Things were simpler when I was a kid. Christopher Columbus was a hero because he discovered America. Now it's much more complicated: Today is a holiday because--511 years ago yesterday--a delusional Italian...hired by Spain...seeking the Mollucas...accidentally landed at the Bahamas...which he named "the Indies," thereby precipitating the most brutal and thorough invasion and conquest in human history. Never accused of being overly traditional, Proctor celebrated in assembly with a frantic performance by a Gaelic-rock fusion band from Cape Breton called "Slainte Mhath."
It's not that simple. It turns out "Slainte Mhath" (which is a greeting akin to "to your health") may be spelled Slainte Mhath, but it's pronounced "schwan ger va." Are you with me? All of this motivated me to interview a few students about why we have a holiday today. Everyone feels free to offer a wholly distinct explanation. Rob and Alex offered something like "Well, um...he discovered...on...like, America."
These freshmen were surprisingly negative in their assessment, accusing Columbus of lying about a number of unspecified things.
