The community gathers almost every morning for an open-forum "assembly" in the theater. Since 1971, these informal, fun meetings have shaped Proctor's very distinct ethos. On Monday morning, math teacher Patty Pond and Assistant Head Anne Swayze offered an ambitious faculty skit spoofing the summer Olympics.

We were treated to a handful of major events, all under the gaze of a biased panel of judges (Steve Wilkins played a corrupt Aussie.) Learning Specialist Drew Donaldson '92 completed a stunning routine on the low bar, accenuated with ribbon streamers:

A smart, attractive volleyball team from the USA was defeated by matriachal ancient Greek godesses standing on chairs and springing shoes:

A skit such as this provides fifteen minutes of hilarious entertainment. It also demonstrates the wit and camaraderie of a large team of teachers to students who otherwise might not know....

Closing ceremonies were elegant and brief:

English teacher, bon vivante and man-about-town Dan Peterson contributes the following inspirational epic:

Thus the Proctor Olympiad came and went
with MCs Swayz and Patty, grand dames of the event.
Despite Judges corrupted, the applause erupted:
a "pommel horse" busted, but time proved well spent.

Josh pummeled a dead horse, a performance clean and true.
His spins, kicks, and tricks balanced by a beam routine from Drew,
who pranced and leaped with streamers flashing.
His talents unleashed a torrent of laughing.

Ian and Allen splashed down in Synchronized Diving:
Hip-hop met jig-stepping and synthesized wisely,
While Michael and Brian dove to the occasion,
managing their own nifty interpretation.

Next to the court came the queens of the beach:
Springy gadgets and ladders upped the Greek reach
as Sarah and Lee volleyed Em "Walsh" and Jane "May,"
Real American Women all, all winners this day.

On Olympians! On Barban! On Larsen! On Preston!
"Speedwalking? Who's winning?" the audience kept guessing.
The suspense left them hanging from edges of seats,
All eyes mesmerized by our legends' great feats.

The Games defaced only briefly by drug scandal
with usual suspects Hanz and Franz the vandals.
So the Games went down the test tube with Gregor and Bartlett,
with muscles as puffy as ripe fruit or a...tartlet?

Don't get me started in judging the judges.
Steve, Robin, and Pilla carried good grudges
in meting out scores befitting this glorious day:
"B-A-D "as in "Good"--you know--like the kids say.

What a brilliant lampoon tramped down in Lane Memory....
We came; we saw; in awe, we were trembling.<

Thank you, Olympians, for an epic assembly!